As summer is coming to a close, all I can think is GOOD RIDDANCE. Seriously though, having a job with no air conditioning and constantly prompting you to go outside for leveling trailers or hooking them up, fetching vans and the like is not pleasant when the sun is trying to melt your skin off.
I'm trying to help customer's on their rental contracts, sweat just falling down my face like a waterfall. I'm trying to catch droplets before they land and explode like mini assault bombs on the contract below. "Excuse me," I say to the customer, SLOSH SPLOSH SWIPE wiping the sweat off and just making my cheeks more flustered and my bangs stick to my forehead in a sopping mop of hair. And the looks on the customers' faces... shocked, surprised, a little scared, and mostly concerned. Of course it doesn't help that I'm drinking bottles of water in between contracts, it's just like refueling the sweat glands. But you know, I just work there.
Haha, anyway work has been an adventure. Though I thought I needed more love in my life and a lot less sleep. So I took a job has a night-time mother's assistant. The mother of new born twin boys to be exact. The family I work with is really nice, honestly I couldn't ask for better home employers. And the little munchkins are adorable. I just have given up on sleeping through the night while I am there, which is totes understandable because I am literally paid to get up with the little men in the middle of the night. And I can sleep during the afternoon. Most of the time. Glass half full, my summer school semester was pretty much said and done by the time I started pulling all nighters, so I don't have to stress over that anymore.
I won't actually have to stress over school anymore for a while, well except for the school of life. But it is kind of hard to ignore those lessons. It's been quite a journey for me to come to this decision. And it's still hard to maintain my firmness in choice because of everyone telling me to "just finish your degree" or "why aren't you taking classes next semester?". Psshhhhhhh. My mom has supported me though, she says if I'm not invested in it, or if I'm not going to use my degree, it is a waste of time and money to finish. Which I completely agree. And honestly, I already have an Associate's Degree, so it's not like I am at the bottom of the barrel. I just, feel like it's a waste to me. I can always learn and grow without paying $5000 a semester. Which for your information is like 92,500 pesos. That's a lot of pesos.
Now you guys might not be interested in pesos or the conversion rate from the USD.... but I am. Because I will be moving to Mexicooo come December. Now if you would have asked Past Aimee if she ever thought she would be moving to a different country, that spoke a different language, and had different cultural aspects, she would have laughed because that's what she does under pressure in where she doesn't know how to act. "I laugh when I get nervous."
However, if you were to ask Future Aimee, she would already be there haha.
Present Aimee couldn't imagine Future Aimee anywhere else.
I met a Mexican, we became friends. Later I fell in love with him. We are getting married, I'm moving to Mexico, I know Spanish. I have a whole family down there. Puff... The happenings are happening fast.
I always knew my mission would change my life... I just was completely unaware to how much it would change.
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Monday, May 30, 2016
30 May 2016
I know it's been a while since I've written. And most of you probably didn't even notice, no worries there. I have been busy living life, going to school, working, having a long distance relationship... You know, the kind of life I have that seems generic.
I cleaned my fish's bowl today. Her name is Buttercup and she's the biggest goldfish I've ever seen. She is beautiful, intelligent, and I've had her for almost five years now. We are moving out of our house, to a different one about 25ish minutes away, so a few months back I down-graded her bowl from a grande circle to a smaller oval. She did not like it. Buttercup could only swim so far until she had to turn and go up or over, she didn't like the cramped space. It also didn't help that she kept growing so the bowl seemed to be shrinking.
So today as I was finishing up some school work before my actual work time, I looked up and saw her. She was going around in circles, slowly. She looked almost resigned to the fact she wasn't going to get any more space for a while, that she had to live with what she got. And I felt a pang of emotion...
I know fish can't talk, but they are living creatures and they need their space to grow. So I got up, cleaned her bowl and then transferred her to the bigger bowl she originally had. You would have thought I gave her a koi pond. She was swimming all around, excited to know her surrounding again, diving up and then down to the bottom. She was happy. She wasn't expecting a change of life.
I know, I know, she's a fish. But the whole experience just made me think that maybe I have to be willing to accept my minimal space where I don't feel like I have that much room to grow and do what I can in that space... Because right around the corner could be my bigger bowl, and my chance to grow bigger and swim farther than I would have appreciated before.
Just some random thoughts.
I cleaned my fish's bowl today. Her name is Buttercup and she's the biggest goldfish I've ever seen. She is beautiful, intelligent, and I've had her for almost five years now. We are moving out of our house, to a different one about 25ish minutes away, so a few months back I down-graded her bowl from a grande circle to a smaller oval. She did not like it. Buttercup could only swim so far until she had to turn and go up or over, she didn't like the cramped space. It also didn't help that she kept growing so the bowl seemed to be shrinking.
So today as I was finishing up some school work before my actual work time, I looked up and saw her. She was going around in circles, slowly. She looked almost resigned to the fact she wasn't going to get any more space for a while, that she had to live with what she got. And I felt a pang of emotion...
I know fish can't talk, but they are living creatures and they need their space to grow. So I got up, cleaned her bowl and then transferred her to the bigger bowl she originally had. You would have thought I gave her a koi pond. She was swimming all around, excited to know her surrounding again, diving up and then down to the bottom. She was happy. She wasn't expecting a change of life.
I know, I know, she's a fish. But the whole experience just made me think that maybe I have to be willing to accept my minimal space where I don't feel like I have that much room to grow and do what I can in that space... Because right around the corner could be my bigger bowl, and my chance to grow bigger and swim farther than I would have appreciated before.
Just some random thoughts.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Feelings can be Colors.
Have you ever felt the weight of the world on your shoulders? Okay well, not just THE world, but YOUR world? To me that is a lot heavier than THE world, because well, it's more personal.
I have.
I've felt it, and it's a crushing weight. Almost as if it takes pleasure in seeing how it flattens you. It's an invisible force, can't be seen but the impact can make it hard to breathe.
Some people call it stress. But I don't think that's completely a true term. I know what stress is. I have felt it a lot and sure, it's pressure but not completely crushing.
I've been feeling my world on my shoulders for a couple days now, and it's really starting to get to me.
I don't know if I want to cry or just stare at the ceiling blankly, letting myself be swallowed into the hollow thoughts drifting through my head. Or if I want to eat a whole box of swiss rolls or see how long I can go without eating because my appetite isn't consistent anyway.
It's as if I'm feeling so much at once, that it comes out as a straight spout of confusion.
I like to make sense of things by writing. Unfortunately, sometimes my words come out as muddled as well, mud. In which case I turn to my alternative source of sensical.
Painting.
Painting is simplier because I can just paint with the main colors I'm feeling. Today I painted a canvas. I didn't know what it would turn out to be, I just put colors on the blank space. Emotions I was feeling turned into more solid colors, allowing me to disect what was being swirled together.
Dark blue, Black, a mix of Aqua... Add Blue. Add Light Purple. Make it darker. Add something light to contrast.
Who knows what I wanted to paint. But the colors make it easier to see what needs to be seen. I still feel my world, but it's not as heavy...
I can do this.
I can hold up what's important and push on.
I just wish it would be a little less... pesado.
But until then...
I'll be listening to sad music, letting myself paint my feelings into something beautiful.
I have.
I've felt it, and it's a crushing weight. Almost as if it takes pleasure in seeing how it flattens you. It's an invisible force, can't be seen but the impact can make it hard to breathe.
Some people call it stress. But I don't think that's completely a true term. I know what stress is. I have felt it a lot and sure, it's pressure but not completely crushing.
I've been feeling my world on my shoulders for a couple days now, and it's really starting to get to me.
I don't know if I want to cry or just stare at the ceiling blankly, letting myself be swallowed into the hollow thoughts drifting through my head. Or if I want to eat a whole box of swiss rolls or see how long I can go without eating because my appetite isn't consistent anyway.
It's as if I'm feeling so much at once, that it comes out as a straight spout of confusion.
I like to make sense of things by writing. Unfortunately, sometimes my words come out as muddled as well, mud. In which case I turn to my alternative source of sensical.
Painting.
Painting is simplier because I can just paint with the main colors I'm feeling. Today I painted a canvas. I didn't know what it would turn out to be, I just put colors on the blank space. Emotions I was feeling turned into more solid colors, allowing me to disect what was being swirled together.
Dark blue, Black, a mix of Aqua... Add Blue. Add Light Purple. Make it darker. Add something light to contrast.
Who knows what I wanted to paint. But the colors make it easier to see what needs to be seen. I still feel my world, but it's not as heavy...
I can do this.
I can hold up what's important and push on.
I just wish it would be a little less... pesado.
But until then...
I'll be listening to sad music, letting myself paint my feelings into something beautiful.
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