Sunday, January 7th
Dear Diary, today I went to the church with my momma. It was the praisin' and singin' Baptist Church down the road. My momma says she likes them folks and their culture, but I know that she really just likes the preacher. He's super expressive and talks in momma's direction a lot. When the preacher looks at her, she blushes and fans herself, all flustered like. I don't know why it's so special to be looked at by a boy. Especially when that boy don't even have them guts to come talk to ya in person! When I told momma what I thought durin' supper time, she scolded me and told me never to talk about the preacher again unless I had some confessin' to do. She musta seen how confused I was because then she told me that one day I'll meet a boy who gets me all flustered and blushin' just by looking at me or saying my name. She said my cheeks will get all hot. I don't know if this counts, but when Carter Roe told me that my name, Billie Jean, was a boy's name, my face got all hot and I pounded him in the face. Maybe that's what momma is referin' to?
Monday, January 8th
I took what momma said to heart yesterday, so while I was out in the schoolyard, I kept my eyes out for a boy who'd make my face get hot, in a good way. I had no such luck. I still am skeptical that you can have your face flustered in a good way. Maybe momma has never had an angered hot on her face, but I know factually that she has. People say I get my temper from my momma. Anywho, Carter Roe was the only boy who talked to me today. He sits next to me now in readin' and wanted to know how to pronounce "Ventura." Psh, why'd he think I'd know! I'm in class with ya to learn not to teach, you coot! But, I was testin' what momma said and told him to say my name to see if I'd get weak in the knees. Carter Roe thought that was a weird request, but I told 'im to say it anyway. Then he flat out refused. So I stood up and yelled, "Carter Roe say my name!" And he just flat out ignored me. So I pounded him. And ended up in the principal's chair. Again. This flustered thing is nothin' but trouble, I don't know why my momma likes it so much.
Tuesday, January 9th
My best friend Penny asked me why I yelled at Carter Roe yesterday. She ain't even in the same readin' class as us, but people have been talking about it already. I told her about my momma, the preacher, and my decision to find a boy who makes me flustered too. Penny is a good listener, that's why I think we are such good pals I think. I talk, and she listens. Sometimes she talks too, but I don't listen as well as she does. Penny nodded and said she knew exactly what momma was talking about. I was amazed! How did Penny figure it out before me? So I asked her if she could teach me how to do it. Penny smiled but told me that she didn't know how she learned it, she just did. I was confused. Penny said that she didn't even know she could get red faced and feel flustered until the beginnin' of August when we went back to school and Ethan Smith said 'hi' to her. She said that as soon as he said her name, she couldn't say anything, only smile. It was like someone put a spell on her and she couldn't funct'n right. Crazy stuff. Penny then said that she asked HER momma and that her momma said she could be in love. Psh, it sounds more like a voo-doo curse than love. But, that's just me.
Thursday, January 11th
Sorry it's been so long Diary, well it's beena day. Still, not much happened during that day. Just I asked my momma if she loved the preacher... I probably shouldn't of though. My momma wanted to know who asked and all that. So I said, "Momma, I'm asking, no one else." Then she wasn't AS mad. Momma told me that love is a thing you can't explain with words, even if you knew every single one in the dictionary. Momma said that love is somethin' you feel and so it's hard to know if you love 'em or not. Because sometimes your brain and heart gets bored and they play tricks on you I guess. Why do people want to be confused and in love?! I can't even see a good reason to be in love yet. Momma gets so flustered she gots to fan herself, Penny doesn't talk when she's around Ethan, and Carter won't say my name when I ask 'em to. What's the point of being in love if it just makes you weird?
Saturday January 13th
School is over for the week, which is nice and all. I'm still kinda confused about the whole love thing, but not too much. I just don't think about it. Yesterday, Carter Roe asked if he could talk to me after class, I said sure. We walked to the bus stop together and I apologized for poundin' him... again. He said it was okay. But then he asked why I wanted him to say my name. So I told him about what momma said. He looked at me and said, "Well, I do like ya Billie Jean." That's when I felt my face get hot and I felt sick in my stomach, like butterflies were ramming all over in there. I didn't know what was goin' on! So, I pounded him. And I decided I don't like feelin' flustered. So, I'll leave the romantic stuffs to my momma and Penny. Count me out of it.
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