Oh yes, another soapbox. Prepare to receive a bunch of Aimee opinion.
One of the phrases I hate (okay maybe not hate, but dislike in a very strong way that if this phrase were to die off, I would be leave flowers at its grave) in our society is one that is used quite a lot unfortunately. Usually it follows when someone expresses, or "complains" as some would put it, about a specific hardship in their life. This phrase is *insert drumroll*..............
"But just remember, there are starving kids in Africa."
There are a few different variations, including but not exclusive to
"Yeah but other people have it harder...."
"A worse thing happen to this person I know...."
"Hellen Keller did amazing things and she had less ability than you...."
"I had to walk uphill, in the snow, both ways, to get to and from school when I was your age...."
Etc.
Etc.
And so forth.
Do NOT take this the wrong way. I have nothing against African children, Hellen Keller, or elderly folk who don't understand that you can't walk "uphill both ways" anywhere. Really I don't. And it's phenominal that they are able to overcome such hardships and grow so much in their own ways.
What I have a problem with is that everytime one of these phrases or variations thereof is used, the person's hardship is discredited, undercutted, disrespected, and frankly ignored.
Yes, I get it, there will ALWAYS be someone worse off. However every person has different strengths, and within their individual lives, their own PERSONALIZED challenges. And we are never EVER EVER in the position to judge them and make them feel bad for facing a trial.
I have a few friends who have depression and anxiety. And sometimes the effects of that can really be unforgiving. They range anywhere from making it near impossible to leave the house, to not having the motivation to do homework. Being someone who has had depression, who has gone through anxiety attacks herself, I understand how hard they can be to balance. I've been in that boat, I've felt myself going crazy with no explanation as to why. And that was hard.
During those times, I couldn't believe how many people told me something along the lines of "yeah, that's rough, but you have legs." Congrats, you can see. So observant. I forgot what allowed me to stand up. THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME OF MY MAIN SOURCE OF TRANSPORTATION.
People don't share trials with other to be reminded of how much better they have it, or how much worse it could be. People share their hardships to seek out the little bits of encouragement and support. They want to find that spark of hope that tells them "Yeah, it sucks right now. But, you can do this."
Trials can be anything. A bad grade on an exam or class. A sick relative, or passed loved one. A work aliment, a financial struggle, a health problem, a personal issue. The worries and stress of life. The confusion of not knowing where you want to be in future years to come. The anxiety of not finding a significant other. None of these are small to the person handling them.
So yes, there are blind people out there. There are people involved in car crashes, and so many other terrible things. And that's awful, I wouldn't wish those experiences on anyone. But remember that everyone is fighting a battle. What may not seem hard to us, may be the worst thing this other person has ever been through. Being supportive goes a long way. Even if you don't say anything, just being there while they cry or rant or both, that is just as meaningful.
Basically my point is, don't be a brat and just remember that everyone is fighting their own battles.
He has a point. You do have legs. But I don't know what that had to do with anything.
ReplyDeleteI ended up with mixed feelings after reading this and I could talk of it around two hours of it, but I won't...promise.
ReplyDeleteWell in my chaotic avalanche of feelings and thoughts
First, It make think about the double-edged sword that comparison is. One of the thoughts that helps me when I feel sad or disappointed is: "Well...I could be worse" (and sometimes I end up discovering "the worse"). Yes... I know, a lot of times it hurts...but it could hurt a lot more. So…comparison being used the right way (I don't know if that makes sense, at least in my mind does) helps to put things into perspective and realize how bad, things are going (or not). Sometimes, I’ve had “a storm in a glass of water”, so that annoying comparisons, sometimes, have been useful to snap out of it.
Second, in the other side of the sword, we (people) can’t be “cut” in the same way, so…just because it worked for me, it not necessarily will work for anyone that way … and I agree with the idea that comparison should be never used to ridicule or underestimate other people’s trials. When someone is drowning, even in a glass of water, the last thing that he wants to hear would be anything like “Don’t worry son, this is nothing. There is a bigger ocean, with plenty of water, where you can get drowned at too…”
Third act and finale. We are supposed to give support not to judge, so we need to help people, even ourselves, to find the right and best way to live this life...Ok…all this looked better inside my head than written.